Episode 4: Detox

“The Last Stop” Serialized for Substack 2026

Everyone was excited about the approaching new millennium. The turn of the century. A once-in-a-lifetime New Year’s Eve. But not us. After finding David’s tool kit, our top priority was to get him a bed at a Detoxification Center. He resisted, but we told him that if he refused, he would be living on the street.

Detoxification – the process of clearing drugs and their byproducts out of the body – is the first step toward recovery for people who have lost control over their drug and/or alcohol use, i.e., substance use disorder. There are two main methods to detox: cold turkey (stopping all at once) and tapering (gradually reducing the substance). Detoxing is best done under medical supervision with personnel who understand the dangers of withdrawal symptoms and health risks. Treatment options vary depending on issues such as the person’s health, age, substances used, and length of use. Detox centers offer a variety of services and programs include:

· Rehabilitation services and medically assisted treatments (MAT) such as buprenorphine detoxification, methadone, and suboxone for adults (over 18).

· Rules and guidelines to help progress toward development of responsible, recovery-oriented behaviors, decision making, personal responsibility, and ownership of the recovery process.

· Developing the coping skills and support systems needed to support ongoing recovery.

· Individual, group, and family counseling.

· Psychiatric assessment.

· Counseling on relationships, trauma, identity, and co-dependency.

· An introduction to the 12-step recovery process, Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

· Education about health (HIV/HCV/TB) and wellness services.

· Residential treatment programs to support long-term recovery.

David wouldn’t let us take him to detox. He insisted that he would meet us at the detox facility and promised to be there at a specified time. His father, brother, and I got there on time and waited. And waited. It got dark. We continued to wait and worried that he would lose the bed. Detox centers are often full and can require waiting days for a bed to open up. Finally, his girlfriend’s convertible swung into the parking lot. They emerged from the car smiling and looking more like they were going to a fancy party than to a treatment center to be detoxed from heroin. They were both “floatin’ high on the cloud.”

When addicts think they are going to have to give up using their drug for a while, they go for one “last” fix. This is classic addict behavior, which David repeated time and time again before going to other detoxes, jail, or rehab.

David stayed at his first detox for a week and as far as I know, came out “clean.” His girlfriend (whom I call Circe in the book) did not stay. Being newbies at this, we thought detox would put him on the road to recovery. Little did we know there would be many more detoxes and most of the time, he would only stay a night or two, just long enough to get a meal and a place to sleep.

Shortly after Dave completed detoxification, Circe left for an extended visit with her family. During her time away, David received little communication from her and was worried she had forgotten about him. He made a point of telling me how much he loved and missed her and was anxious for her return.

When she returned, they resumed living together, promising they were both done using heroin. Over the following months, I seldom saw them. He briefly worked as a bartender. Traffic violations and arrests piled up again and he was in court on a variety of counts, including speeding, reckless driving, seatbelt violation, and possession of drug paraphernalia, marijuana, forged vehicle plates and stickers.

They shared a house with a friend of Circe’s who called to tell me that David and Circe were using drugs, weren’t paying their rent, and had trashed his house. When confronted, David claimed the friend was lying and just wanted money. I didn’t believe either of them; however, it was clear that the beast of addiction had resurfaced.

I reached out to Circe’s father and updated him on the situation. About a month later, David’s father, David, and I met with Circe and her father to express our worries that they had started using heroin again, which both denied. The meeting was a disaster. Before the discussion could even get started, Circe and her father began loudly arguing in their native language, but Circe’s father must have understood what was going on because he took her back home with him. As far as I know, when she returned, she had stopped her heroin use.

It’s best to avoid reconnecting with old relationships that involved drug use, particularly during the early stages of recovery. This poses a significant challenge because individuals struggling with addiction tend to isolate after losing friends and family members due to their substance use. Trying to recover and create new social connections may feel overwhelming, sometimes making it tempting to return to former habits and acquaintances.

David was serving six days in Fairfax Jail for traffic violations when Circe left with her father. Arrests now included theft and fleeing police after being told to stop. To keep up, I started tracking his violations, court dates, bench warrants and jail terms in a spreadsheet.

My experience with David’s first incarceration taught me how to navigate the corrections system – establishing phone communication, understanding the visitation procedures and hours, how to add funds to his commissary account, and the humiliation of talking to him on the phone through a plexiglass pane when I visited him.

Fairfax County sponsored a support group for spouses, siblings, and parents of incarcerated family members. Initially, I felt humiliated and embarrassed to join such a group, but I desperately needed help. Someone to talk to honestly about my son without feeling shame and guilt. My initial feelings and fears swiftly flew away as I sat with other family members just like me searching for answers. We met in the evenings in a dreary room at the courthouse. Sitting around both sides of long rectangular tables pushed end-to-end, we shared our stories, fears, and disappointments.

We all had the same questions: Where did we go wrong? How do we fix it? What should we do next? Most of all, why, why, why? So many questions and no answers.

What stands out most in my memory about the support group is how unexpectedly similar our stories were. We were a diverse group in race and economic and marital status, with one common denominator – our family members ended up in jail because of drug use. The actions and behavior of our loved ones were so similar that we could almost all have been talking about the same person. Only the faces were different. It was like a mask was passed around the table as each story was told, filled with sadness and feelings of despair and uselessness. No one knew what to do.

The main consolation – we were no longer alone and free to share our worries.

I realized later that the word addiction wasn’t even muttered.

David and I maintained regular correspondence throughout his incarcerations. After he passed, re-reading his letters and other writings provided inspiration and motivation to write a memoir focusing on addiction so others could learn from both our experiences. His long and detailed letters offered insight into not only his perspectives on addiction but life – music, quotes from books, movies, memories, hopes, regrets, philosophies, a lot about truth, and more than I ever wanted to know about living in a cell. In the book, the letters appear in full and as he wrote them. Below is an excerpt from one such letter after I mentioned joining the support group.

…. I can’t believe you went to that support group and there were so many other parents there. Especially for a parent of a 28-year-old! Maybe I have followed some sort of specific pattern . . . a natural possibility. Kind of like a fork in the road and this is one of the possible destinations of a person who chooses a specific road. Maybe I’m not just a crazy man drifting through time on my own wave. Rather I’m following a specific pattern. Conforming to a way, an understanding, and I don’t even know it. Maybe there is no individuality in my thinking. Maybe I’m just a sheep of a different shade . . . just an offbeat thought . . . nothing important.

It was nice to see you Saturday. It’s always nice to see you. I appreciate your support so much. It really makes me feel good to know how much my family cares and loves me. I can remember how many conversations Circe and I had about how my family loves me only under certain conditions, and I was better off without them. They only want me to make them look good or have nothing to do with me. I know that’s not true, and I thank God it’s not….

I write to help others who may be struggling with a loved one’s addiction and welcome comments and questions that may, in turn, help others.